Songs for the Oval

I posted these song lyrics to a BBC message board, so I thought I should put them here, too. These are some songs (using the term rather loosely), which I wrote for the Barmy Army to sing (and here I use the word VERY loosely ;-) ) during the Ashes in order to affect the morale (positively for the English, and negatively for their Australian opponents). Some were composed this week, but most were composed last winter. Unfortunately, my earlier efforts to pass them on to the right people did not succeed. So here goes:


(To the chorus of "Like a Virgin" by Madonna)
Ricky Ponting
You're in for a very rough time
Ricky Po-o-o-onting
Captain of the
losing side

(To "Oh My Darling Clementine")
It's a no-ball
It's a no-ball
It's a no-ball, one more time.
You are handing us the Ashes
When you over-step the line.

(To "Rebel Rebel" by David Bowie)
Ricky Ponting
You've lost the edge
Ricky Ponting
Your team likes to sledge
Ricky Ponting
How could you lose?
Down 2-1 when you thought you would cruise.


(To "We Wish You a Merry Christmas")
Short-pitched ball to Freddy Flintoff
Short-pitched ball to Freddy Flintoff
Short-pitched ball to Freddy Flintoff
And the Ashes stay here


(To the chorus of "Wide World" by Cat Stevens)
Oh, baby, baby it's a wide ball.
It's hard to get by, bowling such a line y'all
Oh baby baby it's a wide ball
We're piling up extras, having a good time, all.


(To the chorus of "Oops!...I did it again" by Britney Spears)
Oops!...You did it again
You bowled it too short - It got knocked in the stands
Oh baby, baby
Oops!...You think you can bowl
But I'm not sure it's so...
Not against Eng-er-land.

(To the tune of Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer -- can substitute a name e.g. "Billy" for "umpire")

Give us a finger, umpire.
Ev'rybody knows he's out.
And if you saw a replay,
you'd agree with England's shout.